I was sitting at a gate in the airport, waiting for an early morning flight heading towards California.  The sitting area was half full, a group of people to my left, and several families, couples and singles in the rows in front. It being a Friday, there were a number of business people heading home.

I set my phone down, glanced around. One woman tended her excited children, a few chatted quietly, others had eyes buried in books or screens. I saw one or two heads nodding like they were dozing (they must have arrived early). I find it interesting to see someone mostly at rest, either by themselves or with a companion, sitting quietly.

A woman a row over caught my eye. I paused briefly to observed her face, her expressions.

It’s amazing how a person expresses themselves when they feel safe, at ease and present. I saw her slight scowl when the kids nearby got a bit raucous. A barely discernable deeper breath relaxed her face some. Then a slight narrowing of the eyes. What thought might have caused that, I wondered? The same with the subtly pursed lips which showed a few moments later followed by a shadow of a smile. What thoughts or feeling flitted through her mind?

I have no doubt that if she knew she was being observed, or was engaged with people around her, the protective mask we all wear in public would have been solidly in place. Though she was a stranger, I felt a form of intimacy as she sat at ease, a connection of one human to another. I had the privilege of a glimpse, though only in one direction, of the person behind the mask.

Aren’t the expressions of our bodies amazing? Our whole body’s expression for sure, how we stand or sit, how we hold ourselves, the bend or twist or stiffness of our torso, our limbs, unconscious or otherwise. And how quickly that changes, sometimes in an instant, to align with what and who is happening around us. A simple example is my father, who had severe kyphoscoliosis (the curving of the spine), which took a foot off his height. Yet when he met someone new, without thinking he would tighten muscles and shift his body to stand tall again for a time. That almost unconscious change showed his determination and pride to be strong and to present the best of himself.  

Then there’s the face and the eyes, the most focused physical expression of our self.

They hold a record of elements of our past life, etched into the skin and myriad muscles. That also shows in the eyes, those mysterious orbs that can reveal so much of what they have seen. The face and eyes continue to reveal our present lives, if we let them. This is especially true of the very young. My daughter noted this about her infant when she told me, “I have found it so interesting to look at Ellie Kay’s eyes and wonder what she is thinking. it’s like she has grown up eyes that say so much, I just can’t quite decipher it yet”.

I saw this with the son of an old friend (I’ll call him Sam), the other day in the grocery store. As we chatted, Sam’s face remained unexpressive except for a small smile when talking about his kids. It felt like an etched-on mask. It didn’t surprise me since his mother was a strongly emotive, expressive woman. Sam had taken on his father’s similar reserve, possibly as a way to keep from being overwhelmed by her.

A few years ago, I browsed through a photo book with black and white pictures of people. It had many close ups, people in their natural setting. While today you can get a plethora of images online, I think those photos tend to show intentionally expressed emotions. I find few of them capture unguarded, nuanced looks.

In contrast, the book’s introduction stated that the photographer spent time to get to know the people, enough so that they felt comfortable revealing their ‘resting’ face, where the etchings from their life experiences were visible. (That is why I sat, glancing around while waiting at the airport and found that one woman.) Those revealing pictures also showed a glimmer of the persons soul if you will, through their eyes, some of their normal guardedness having dropped.

I’ve become aware that my face has become notably more expressive than in the past. It was the result of exploring parts of my years growing up. Since then, I’ve tried to become a less rigid person, one always focused on doing things. My drive to ‘accomplish’ was reflected in a unemotive, somewhat fixed expression, similar to the son I chatted with in the grocery store. Now I have the freedom to express many feelings and reactions (some might say too many 😉). My sense of self-worth affords me the freedom to reveal myself without fear of hurt or exposure.

Here’s a challenge for you. Ask a close friend how expressive are you with your body (that takes some thought), your face (it’s right there!), and your words (not speaking, but expressing feelings). Do they reveal a range of emotions, or are they limited mostly to one or two, such as sad, or controlled, or withdrawn, guarded, or even always happy? And then, if you want a real challenge, ask yourself, and your friend if it feels safe, the question, why.

The answer may open a door for you to become a more expressive person.